not in Primary anymore

how the “proclamation to the family” hurts families

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Eighteen years ago today, fifteen men created a one-page political document that they and other LDS people would use against the legalization of marriage between same-sex partners in Hawaii during their version of Prop 8 back in 1995. They called it, ironically, The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

As I walk through Provo’s very first Pride Festival last Saturday, I am reminded of this document that has hurt so many people in my life. I see the Utah Gay Fathers Association with their beautiful children, and tears start to form in my eyes. Why would anybody want to treat these amazing men as less than their straight counterparts? Why would anybody think two awesome moms or two outstanding dads are somehow less able to raise children than a man and a woman?

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I think of my trans* friends and how many of them were told by their cisgender Mormon families and friends that they were not the gender they identified as and felt most connected to. I thought of all the trans* people who commit suicide every year. The Proclamation was trying to tell them that their experience was a lie. Saying such does nothing but attempt to oppress an already oppressed class of people.

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And what of my genderqueer friends? What about all my friends who don’t identify with either gender or as both genders?

So many people want them to fit in this neat little gender box, but here they say, “Screw it. I just want to be myself.” They take the criticism, the cat calls, the abuse, the employment and housing discrimination, the dehumanization–they take it all so that they can accept themselves fully.

So many LGBT*Q people sacrifice so much just so they can live happy, fulfilling lives.

And then fifteen upper middle-class, white, cisgender men say that what our awesome LGBT*Q sisters, brothers, and siblings are experiencing is eternally wrong.

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And what of the amazing business women who CHOSE to have a career? Should we criticize them for not following their “divine gender roles”? Or should we celebrate with them for living out their dreams and for all they’ve done to help society?

What of all the women, men and people who choose not to have children? Is it truly our place to judge them? Is it truly the place of fifteen men born in a different time to judge them?

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And what of all the men who don’t want to be a provider for their family? What of those who wish to be stay-at-home dads? Why is it anybody else’s place to tell these awesome men what to do?

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In case you couldn’t tell, I’m just not a big fan of the Proclamation. I have friends who argue whether it’s doctrine or not. Apparently Boyd K. Packer had to change his talk when he said that the Proclamation was a revelation. Some people, myself included, have argued that the Proclamation is the natural byproduct of the sexist and heteronormative rituals of the temple, rituals that have been changing throughout the years, but oh so slowly.

Honestly, I just can’t wait until we get rid of it. I can’t wait for the day that we’ll realize just how hurtful the Proclamation has been to some people. I can’t wait for the day we don’t have to tear down others’ families and others’ life decisions just to validate our own.

Can’t we all just get along? Can’t we consult women before making a document concerning their lives? Can’t we consult gay people and trans* people and genderqueer people before telling them what to do?

Better yet, can’t we just accept and love people as they are and just stop the prescriptions, proscriptions and prejudices and let people run their own lives? There is no one size fits all for any individual or family, so let’s stop pretending there is and learn to love the diversity.

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118 Responses to “how the “proclamation to the family” hurts families”

  1. Mungagungadin

    Amen. For a document that is supposed to be written as affirmation, it is only used as a weapon – against all people LGBT and against any other person who doesn’t fit firmly in the “right” place. God did not make us uniform for a reason, it is time to call the ProcFam the mistake it is.

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      The Family Proclamation is 100% legitimate revelation from the living prophet today. God made everyone different for a reason but he also created commandments to help us get back to him. Marriage between a man and woman ONLY is ordained of God, THAT IS THE TRUTH

      Reply
  2. iamtherascal1

    Nicely done, Curtis. I was sad to have missed the Provo Pride celebration, but hope to make it in years to come. I share your hopes on this one, My Friend.

    Reply
  3. Doc Bob

    The New Proclamation on the Family

    The family is ordained of God. Marriage between loving partners is essential to His eternal plan. All children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by loving parents who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, parents are to jointly preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Together, they are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, parents are obligated to help one another as equal partners. All worthy couples who are legally and lawfully married are entitled to the blessings of sealing that marriage for all time and eternity

    Reply
    • Andrew

      I just want to say thank you for your comment. It was beautifully rendered and I truly felt love while reading it. 🙂 Thank you. As a gay Mormon, that is the way I hope to see it someday.

      Reply
      • Lesley O'Connell-Maritz

        All children are entitled to be born within the bonds of holy matrimony …one cannot alter this position after the fact. This is a statement. The best one can do is ensure that when a child is born he/she is born into a situation where the bonds of holy matrimony actually exist…biological mother and biological father. The rights of the child override the needs of everyone else. All efforts need to be directed to correcting a situation where this requirement can still be met in raising the child. Everyone has the right to know just who he/she is…it is a god given right!!! My husband was led to believe that his mother’s husband was his father. When he was 60 we learnt that he was not his father and we eventually after 4 months of solid searching were so blessed to establish that his father had died after the birth of our second child.Both he and his father were prevented from knowing each other. No-one has the right to do this.Obviously there are variations to this theme but that is the meaning of this statement. Adoption cannot alter the statement by any stretch of the imagination. Every child has a mother and a father, and the child will always yearn for that mother and that father.

    • Jan

      Your new Proclamation made no logical sense. “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony.” That can’t happen if you have gay parents, or maybe you never took biology. The church is never going to seal gay couples, it will not happen. Stop pretending it will. You cannot break yourself against the teachings of the church by repeatedly throwing yourself against them and then complain that we are using it as a weapon against you.

      Reply
      • L.R.

        A transgender man and a cisgender man could procreate traditionally, as could a transgender woman and a cisgender woman.
        By your logic, infertile couples should not be allowed temple marriage.

      • L.R.

        Also, does this mean you think that adopted or foster children are somehow lesser than biological children? You might want to seriously rethink your arguments.

      • KarolyV

        dirt bags, I’d sure love to hear how you start with feelings of right and honesty your sexual enlightenment education to ‘your’ teenage children ?? me and your daddy or whoever is which have intercourse in each other’s butts… -you do that with honesty…’oh, you do’ say the children, ‘whats the purpose of it?’ ask the children ‘well, only to satisfy our sexual desires, it has no other natural purpose’ say you, ‘is this something animals do, like lions, bears, dogs?’ ask the children, ‘no, actually no other creations, no dear, neither bears, put their penises into the anus of the other gender’ say you, ‘so if no other animals or no one within the family of living would, why would you? isn’t that sick?’ ask the children.. in fact they figure it out…

      • Anonymous

        Amen! I continually find it interesting that those who are usually claiming to be judged are actually the ones doing the most judging. In no way can I find The Family; A Proclamation to the World, judging anyone. It is simply a document that some of us choose to live by because we believe it was received through inspiration to a living Prophet of God. Yes, God who created all things, including our spirits, our bodies and who governs the earth through the power of his priesthood. If you chose not to agree with it or believe it, then please ignore it. Just don’t tear down those of us who do and please allow us to hold sacred those things that are sacred to us.

    • KarolyV

      dirt bags, I’d sure love to hear how you start with feelings of right and honesty your sexual enlightenment education to ‘your’ teenage children ?? me and your daddy or whoever is which have intercourse in each other’s butts… -you do that with honesty…

      Reply
  4. Kelsey Wilcox

    I remember reading somewhere that the General Relief Society Prez at the time said that she and her counselors weren’t consulted or even aware that The Proclamation was even being made. I would think that the ladies in the highest position occupied by women in the church would have at least been asked for input on something that so greatly concerned their lives. I wonder if it would have been written a little differently had it been written by females…?

    Reply
    • AllyGriggles

      I’d like to think it’d be different. Maybe a woman would point out that you can’t be “equal partners” with one “presiding.” And that forcing all women to be “nurturers” is extremely effing limiting.

      Reply
    • Josiah

      All of these men have wives and all of these men have continual contact with women leaders of the church. Don’t think these men were dumb enough to never ask a single question or seek opinions to the women they value and respect.

      Reply
    • Anonymous

      You do not seem to understand the sole doctrine of the church. The men of the priesthood receive direct revelation from God. “Whether by my own voice or the voice of my servants, it is the same.” The General Relief society president was not sustained or ordained with the authority to receive revelation for the entire church. Only the Prophet has that.

      Reply
      • kelsbird

        Yessir. I’m on it.

        Oh wait, Meli pretty much covered it, so never mind. Xenawarriorscientist left a comment below (that I don’t think you saw…?) saying the following:

        @Kelsey Wilcox– I think you’re thinking of an interview with Chieko Okazaki. (Published after her death for obvious reasons….) Pg. 136.

        Chieko Okazaki: [W]hen ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the World’ was written, the Relief Society presidency was asked to come to a meeting. We did, and they read this proclamation. It was all finished. The only question was whether they should present it at the priesthood meeting or at the Relief Society meeting. It didn’t matter to me where it was presented. What I wanted to know was, “How come we weren’t consulted?”

        Greg Prince: You didn’t even know it was in the works?

        Chieko Okazaki: No. They just asked us which meeting to present it in, and we said, “Whatever President Hinckley decides is fine with us.” He decided to do it at the Relief Society meeting. The apostle who was our liaison said, “Isn’t it wonderful that he made the choice to present it at the Relief Society meeting?” Well, that was fine, but as I read it I thought that we could have made a few
        changes in it.”

    • Anonymous

      There is so much anti-mormon propaganda out there, unless you can tell your source your I read it somewhere does not prove anything but ignorance.

      Reply
      • kelsbird

        I don’t know if you read the rest of the comments, but there’s already a source. It’s been awhile since I looked at the pdf but I seem to remember it was published in a book or interview by Chieko Okazaki.

  5. Paul

    Those who choose to live in a way that is in opposition to God’s will harm themselves.

    Reply
      • Ryan

        Already done. It’s called “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” You should follow it.

      • curtispenfold

        Ryan, what makes you think the Family Proclamation contains the will of God for every individual on the planet?

    • Tom

      And since I know several gay and lesbian couples who have been together for several decades and who are genuinely happy and who have raised some of the most wonderful children you will ever meet, I can take that to mean that God does not oppose long-term homosexual unions.

      Reply
    • MLS

      Interesting how God’s will in the LDS church tends to exactly mirror the opinions and prejudices of the old, white men at the decision-making level of the church….

      Reply
      • karicorynn

        …Meaning that they ACTUALLY align their will with God’s….

      • Anonymous

        What a mean hearted and untrue statement. I hope one day your heart will be soft enough and you will allow a much greater understanding to feel you. You are a very ignorant person.

  6. Nicole

    AMEN!

    I have been dreading having children since I was 11 years old, and the fact that that was my ONLY option in life was so depressing… I’ve been so happy since I left the church and realized that didn’t HAVE to be my life.

    Plus I don’t feel like a failure anymore even though I’m not actually all that naturally nurturing, which is the only thing a woman is supposed to be besides silent…

    Reply
  7. Evan C

    Great read! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    I think more than anything, the biggest problem I have with the Proclamation is that it encourages Mormons to only think about these issues only on the surface level.

    For example, many claim to not support gay marriage because the Proclamation says marriage is between a man and a woman. But what about families headed by same-sex couples that already do and always will exist? What does their future look like? Also, what does the eternal perspective mean for them? Do they have no hope of being an eternal family, even if they know next to nothing about Mormonism or the Gospel? How is that fair to both the parents and the children? What if the family considers joining the Mormon Church? Where do they fit in?

    Then there is the fact that people who are intersex exist. Where do they fit in in the Proclamation? Are they supposed to just choose their gender identity, and God will allow them to identify that way eternally?

    Good catch on the line in Packer’s talk. I somehow missed this! I am always annoyed when people claim the Proclamation is revelation or that it is prophetic, when it is actually simply a guideline according to his talk.

    Reply
  8. Patricia

    Thank you for this post. Thanks also for mentioning that the proclamation was simply a document that came about in response to the activism in favor of same sex unions that was happening in Hawaii at that time. I feel mormon culture has made the “Proclamation” a canonized document, just like the book “The Miracle of Forgiveness”. Same difference.

    Reply
  9. elizacampbell

    Someone close to me whose identity I won’t specify once took down a framed Proc from the wall of an empty room in our stake center, and hid it behind a couch. I am very proud of them.

    Reply
  10. xenawarriorscientist

    @Kelsey Wilcox– I think you’re thinking of an interview with Chieko Okazaki. (Published after her death for obvious reasons….) Pg. 136.

    Chieko Okazaki: [W]hen ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the World’ was written, the Relief Society presidency was asked to come to a meeting. We did, and they read this proclamation. It was all finished. The only question was whether they should present it at the priesthood meeting or at the Relief Society meeting. It didn’t matter to me where it was presented. What I wanted to know was, “How come we weren’t consulted?”

    Greg Prince: You didn’t even know it was in the works?

    Chieko Okazaki: No. They just asked us which meeting to present it in, and we said, “Whatever President Hinckley decides is fine with us.” He decided to do it at the Relief Society meeting. The apostle who was our liaison said, “Isn’t it wonderful that he made the choice to present it at the Relief Society meeting?” Well, that was fine, but as I read it I thought that we could have made a few
    changes in it.”

    You can find the whole text at http://www.dialoguejournal.com/wp-content/uploads/sbi/articles/Dialogue_V45N01_CO.pdf

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    I only have two things to say about this. First and probably foremost of all, 15 men did not create the proclamation. One GOD did. There is no denying that the declaration was given to a prophet from GOD for the very reason that this ludicrous article was written. The Lord’s ideal family always has and will be lead by a father and mother, that’s a man and a woman. Second it is not a political document, it is scripture. Nothing you ever write on a blog or no amount of protesting will ever make God change this. It is the way it is. By contradicting the scriptures given to us you contradict God and His church and probably shouldn’t be entitled to the blessings associated with His church.

    Reply
    • Curtis Penfold

      What makes you believe God wrote the Proclamation? Or that the Proclamation is scripture?

      Reply
    • Zar

      Oh, there’s plenty of denying it. It was written by committee, as a response to Hawaii’s attempt to legalize same-sex marriage in the 1990s. The church got scared and decided to reinforce these antiquated views on gays and women’s roles, under the guise of revelation. This was a political move, not a spiritual one.

      Reply
    • Anonymous

      Thanks for your comment! I agree! If you are LDS no matter what your sexual orientation, you believe that the prophet is ordained of God and the only man that can receive revelation for the entire church. You also believe that revelation is God’s way of communicating to us what we need to know. The proclamation is revelation to us about the importance of the family. You cannot deny that the family is central to Gods plan, and is therefore the core of all that we believe. In fact without it, we cannot reach our full potential of eternal life in the celestial kingdom. I know this to be true!

      Reply
    • Anonymous

      THANK YOU! 💝💝💝💝 I too believe in the Living Prophet, and those Apostles are amazing! . So many lies 👿👿👿👿about what relief Society leaders have said! So NOT true. The LDS family proclamation rocks! On LDS.org. 💌 love you all!

      Reply
  12. Anonymous

    Before you delete the previous post you should probably read it even if it does not fit your comment guidelines. If you find it offensive or insulting than it just might be true. Just sayin’

    Reply
    • Tom

      “If you find it offensive or insulting than it just might be true” might be one of the most meaningless statements I’ve ever heard.

      Reply
  13. Anonymous

    Very well written, but I must say I completely disagree. The Proclamation and the church stand for timeless values that won’t change with the sway of this world. The world’s morality is always changing, but God’s won’t, and the Proclamation affirms that.

    I really do feel for those who feel they are transgender, but the fact that you feel one way doesn’t change your anatomy. These individuals should probably get a psychological evaluation, not be heralded for their supposed bravery.

    Reply
    • curtispenfold

      Anonymous, the American Psychiatric Association, as well as pretty much every psychological association in Europe has said the best thing to do with those who identify as the opposite of the sex they were born into is to let them be. Let them go through the surgeries, take the hormones, and call them by their preferred gender pronoun.

      Now, am I going to listen to different groups of scientists who’ve studied thousands of trans* cases, or am I going to listen to a person who may have had close experience with, what, twelve trans* people in your lifetime?

      Reply
      • JT

        Curtispenfold,
        I appreciate your use of such an association to back your theory, however I also feel that doing so is questionable in that many mental and behavioral health treatments are constantly being retested and evaluated as to their success and validity (not just in cases of homosexuality, transgender, etc. but also in bipolar, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders, PTSD, you name it.) I’m assuming you are or were a member of the LDS Church and by so being I would assumed that you put your faith in God and pray for guidance on this issue. Science has it’s place, I will never disagree with that, but everyone needs to prayerfully consider such issues.

      • curtispenfold

        JT, I guess I just trust that it’s not my place to prayerfully consider what a trans* person should do in this situation.

        They know themselves and what’s right for them much better than I do.

      • JT

        I apologize for lack of clarity, the individuals themselves should, not anyone else.

    • MLS

      Anonymous stated, ” The Proclamation and the church stand for timeless values that won’t change with the sway of this world. The world’s morality is always changing, but God’s won’t, and the Proclamation affirms that.”

      That’s rich given the 180 the Mormon Church did on the issue of “the negro” being cursed (as expressed by numerous LDS presidents and apostles all the way through the 1970s) I suppose God was a big supporter of the KKK, too? …until He wasn’t?

      Reply
    • MLS

      I testify that The Proclamation on the Family will ultimately go the way of polygyny, blood atonement, and the anti-black statements by numerous men claiming to be prophets and apostles. It will be discarded, and then denied, and then forgotten by membership of the LDS church. It will eventually be viewed as the flawed , mortal reasoning of imperfect men who spoke their own opinions based upon folk doctrine. It will be denied that it was ever preached or upheld officially from the pulpit. It will be conveniently forgotten. Like these other discarded “doctrines” of God it will be cast by the wayside in a couple of generations.

      Reply
  14. Nouner

    Anonymous, how do you feel about the bible’s explicit condoning of slavery? Do you feel the world’s current view that it’s reprehensible to be moral lassitude and backsliding from the divinely-sanctioned practice of slavery?

    Also, are you familiar with the concept of intersexed individuals? There are people who don’t anatomically fit into either of the clearly defined categories our society mostly uses. What about them?

    Reply
  15. vickzorz

    I wish I was brave enough to post this on my facebook wall. I hate having to see this man-made, and flawed, document framed in my parents household.

    Reply
    • Nicole

      I posted it! Feeling brave today. 🙂 I hope it starts a good conversation.

      Reply
  16. JT

    In The Family, A Proclamation To The World, those fifteen ordained men state in the first paragraph that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. No where does it state or mention that marriage between two men or two women is ordained of God. In the fourth paragraph it states that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife as COMMANDED by God. In the sixth paragraph it states that marriage between a man and a woman is ESSENTIAL to God’s plan. I don’t know how this could be explained any clearly.

    I understand that times have changed, especially in the world’s view of gender, relationships, marriage, etc. God’s Plan of Salvation hasn’t and will not change. Those of you who have faith that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is indeed God’s true church shouldn’t be questioning this Proclamation at all. I understand that there are many unanswered questions such as hermaphrodite’s and what God’s plan is for them, or those who are in a homosexual relationship and what that would me to break up that family. I don’t know the answers to these questions but I trust that He does. By calling on the General Authorities to change or modify this proclamation goes against what God has already commanded. I ask all those who question The Proclamation to prayerfully study this document and do what we were instructed to do when investigating the church and gaining a witness of it, and ask God, our Heavenly Father, if it is true. I have received this witness for myself.

    Reply
  17. Ben

    To the author,

    Just to clarify. From what I understand according to your belief system: Whatever the world wants, goes.

    What’s the need for commandments?
    Is there order in your fantasty religion?
    Who’s idea was it to eat, drink and be merry? Do whatever you want… There is no consequence for sin…

    Just some words for thought.

    I’m asking this in the kindest of ways. Repent. You’re attacking the very church that you supposedly believe. And guess who’s church that is. You’re bigger brother’s, Jesus Christ, the one who hung and suffered on the cross for you. You’re crucifying him all over again and leading others to do the same.

    Reply
    • curtispenfold

      Wow, Ben. I didn’t think being considerate of the oppressed and downtrodden, mourning with those who mourn and comforting those who stand in need of comfort–I didn’t think that was a way to crucify Christ.

      I’m not attacking Christ’s Church. I’m being critical of a political document that has been used against people who are already discriminated against, to shame the already oppressed, and to hurt families that are already treated less than equal by society. I’m doing what I think Jesus would be doing if He were here today.

      Reply
  18. Anonymous

    Elder Neal A. Maxwell in 1978 (see Ensign, February 1979, “A More Determined Discipleship”

    “Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead, events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow the First Presidency….President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had ‘never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life.’

    “This is hard doctrine, but it is particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ. . . . Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted. . . . This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions.

    “Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened….Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel….Jesus said that when the fig trees put forth their leaves, ‘summer is nigh.’ Thus warned that summer is upon us, let us not then complain of the heat.”

    I love those “15 men.”

    Reply
    • Tom

      In other words: “We’re a deeply conservative organization and we know that some will criticize us for that. But anyone who doesn’t hold to our regressive dogmas is weak and/or wicked.”

      It doesn’t take prophetic powers to know that those who cling to regressive and harmful policies will face criticism for their beliefs as society advances.

      …Which isn’t to suggest that every social change is for the better.* Rather, It’s only to say that anyone with any understanding of history and human nature could tell you that an organization that adheres to the social dogmas of the 1950s isn’t going to be universally accepted in the 2010s.

      *Of course, it’s clear to any thinking person that some things are getting worse and other things are getting better. In terms of accepting and understanding the true breadth and variety of human nature, society is objectively getting better (though we still have a long ways to go.) In terms of understanding that “different from the majority” doesn’t mean “wicked” or “unrighteous,” we are also getting better.

      The apocalyptic “things are getting wickeder and wickeder” and “the world is careening rapidly towards the final battle” rhetoric isn’t quite as effective when you realize that religious leaders from every sect have been saying the exact same thing for thousands of years.

      Reply
  19. Kyle

    I very much disagree with the view of the author regarding the validity of the Proclamation. Although I have logical reasons for my beliefs, I would like to reiterate something different… that God has a system for personal discovery of truth.

    No one should ever take anything claimed to be a truth at face value. This includes the scriptures, the proclamation, as well as this article. We are encouraged to ask questions, to study, pray and seek answers from Heavenly Father. I believe that gay Mormons who study the proclamation with an open heart will discover something about themselves they may not have otherwise realized. Some truths we are ready to receive immediately and some come as we study and prepare room in our hearts for them. Harder truths take more time as we prepare our hearts for them, but in the end will strengthen our testimony and understanding.

    That being said, I can personally testify that The Family: A Proclamation to the World was written by prophets and apostles called of God to a world with degrading family values. It is published as official doctrine by the church.

    If you doubt the validity of the document, don’t read articles by non-believers. Instead, ask God himself. He cannot lie.

    Reply
    • MLS

      I testify that The Proclamation on the Family will ultimately go the way of polygyny, blood atonement, and the anti-black statements by numerous men claiming to be prophets and apostles. It will be discarded, and then denied, and then forgotten by membership of the LDS church. It will eventually be viewed as the flawed , mortal reasoning of imperfect men who spoke their own opinions based upon folk doctrine. It will be denied that it was ever preached or upheld officially from the pulpit. It will be conveniently forgotten. Like these other discarded “doctrines” of God it will be cast by the wayside in a couple of generations.

      Reply
  20. Sasha

    This is one of the least Mormon and least woman-loving articles I’ve seen on a “mormon” blog. It doesn’t really fit with the title of mormon feminists IMHO.

    Reply
    • curtispenfold

      I don’t think you understand just how many gay women, transsexual women, genderqueer women, and working women in the Mormon Church and outside of it have been hurt by the Family Proclamation.

      Reply
      • Kyle

        I’m sure they are hurt by it, but just because a group of people is offended or hurt by the proclamation doesn’t make it false. And it doesn’t make our beloved prophet and apostles false. There was a reason they released the proclamation when they did.

        Seeing as how the proclamation WAS written by apostles and prophets by inspiration, It seems to me that those who are dealing with same-gender attraction really have 2 options. They can reject it and say the prophets wrote a lie and are therefore would have to be false prophets, or they can accept it as a hard truth and strive to seek repentance. It would be a difficult road, but Heavenly Father doesn’t give us a trial he knows we can’t overcome. And if they endure to the end, they have just as much of an opportunity to end up in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom as anyone.

        The question you have to ask yourself is, if it WAS true and God confirmed it to you after praying, would you accept it and live by it?

      • Veronica

        They should re read it. Offense is something people choose to take.

  21. MLS

    Kyle follows the violent god of the Old Testament requiring numerous ordinances and rules in order to be appeased and earn a reward rather than the unconditionally loving Lord of the New Testament whose grace saves, who forgives all their trespasses, and who came to destroy the Law followed by people like Kyle.

    Reply
    • Kyle

      Lol! But seriously I don’t believe that. I’m LDS like most visitors to this site. If you’re interested in what we actually believe instead of telling us what we believe you can look it up for yourself. Start with Mormon.org. we believe we are saved by grace after we have done all we can. We also believe the ordinances of the gospel are necessary to reach the kingdom of heaven.

      You are right that God loves unconditionally but incorrect in the assumption that if someone falls short of attaining the kingdom of heaven god loves them less.

      Look up the gospel of Jesus Christ on that website that will help you to understand a little better.

      Reply
    • Veronica

      by your works you are saved. Grace makes up the difference after you’ve done all you can do. Not before. You can’t be saved by grace alone.

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        No, His grace is sufficient. If you have faith, the works will bear out, but His grace is always sufficient.

  22. Heather Borean

    Thank you. My Branch President keeps on telling me that it is scripture, and that by disagreeing with it he’s not comfortable renewing my Temple Recommend. I thought I was the only one who dislikes this proclamation. It it so awesome to know I am not alone. Thank you, thank you. thank you.

    Reply
      • Veronica

        Agreed. Why would anyone want to renew a temple recommend to take part in ordinances of a church in which they don’t sustain?
        You don’t need a temple recommend.

    • Dollie

      You are not the only one! You’re not alone. And also, the other people who replied to you sound awfully unkind, I wonder if they realize that. Then again, the ones who feel attacked always respond like that..

      Reply
  23. Anonymous

    Because, and specifically given the fact that the Proclamation strikes at such individual feelings regarding gender, family, potential, power and struggle, it is appropriate and expected to ask God whether it is of Him. He will tell you either way. He expects all His children to go to Him when they doubt or question or have legitimate personal conflicts. To those who seek understanding He gives assurances. I believe that He understands there are some who have strong inclinations sexually, and want to have families and have relationships. I have friends who are loving and considerate, but who don’t feel naturally inclined toward all the doctrine, or who genuinely have a hard time reconciling some doctrine with how they personally feel. To some degree or another, all truth seeking LDS come to crossroads. It is all part of the journey. I personally do not have bi-sexual, transgender or homosexual feelings, but I’ve had to reconcile other aspects of Doctrine, or when I have not immediately been able to do so, I have pressed on relying upon assurances from God that He answers me and will in time explain or resolve what He says through his Prophets with my questions. He has done it in certain times with me throughout my life on certain issues. He has left some questions not fully answered for me on others. But given the fact that He has answered on so many other questions I’ve had, and has been with me or revealed Himself in quiet very personal ways before, leads me to believe or know, or at least have confidence and assurances that He will explain it and it will make sense and He will credit to me for my good my sincere conflicts and questions, but my desire to press on toward Him notwithstanding the manner that some things He has said were represented. Some doctrines have sounded hard to me, or the form, but the concept, if the source was true, has always been true. God knows what He says. God knows how we feel about it. God knows that some in the church don’t understand how others in the church feel because they don’t at all time feel the same impressions, or inclinations. But notwithstanding, He does love all of us and will answer to our good, getting the most traction that the experience can bring. Regardless of our inclinations, if we have the pure good desires to be with Him, and we do the best we can to do what His Spirit tells us is the right thing, His Sons’ Atonement is powerful enough, His Grace is powerful enough to save us to Him. The Gospel is broad enough that it parts of it will challenge all His children in very personal aspects, but all have the God given ability to become like Him, regardless of how we are, or struggle or feel now, and I believe that in the end it will be very natural and fulfilling and innately personal and satisfying. He understands more perfectly, His Son understands perfectly what each of us feel and desire.

    Reply
  24. thisismybelovedsonhearhim

    The obvious difficulties that face people with same gender attraction are evident. Also, the feelings of those who are seen by society or certain groups of society as “different” should to be tenderly considered. However, the laws and principles of God the Father are eternal and unchanging. The doctrines within The Proclamation reflect the eternal nature of the family as it always has been, even before this earth’s existence. I bear witness that those who attempt to disintegrate or demean the divine nature of the family, as the Lord established it, will one day be held accountable for such attempts. The laws of God will never change, nor will His work be frustrated by the efforts of men. “Remember, remember that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of men;” Doctrine and Covenants 3:3
    Let’s remember that it is the work of God to save and exalt families. He provided a means by which families could come into this world. He has likewise provided a means by which families can return to His presence.
    “For behold, this is my work and my glory-to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Moses 1:39

    Reply
  25. Jasmine

    So it begins, the beginning of the end. Funny, this is exactly how Satan wants people to think… he is really winning over the hearts and minds of many, but I guess that was already foretold long ago and we knew that was going to happen. Are people really that blind to see how modern thinking has ruined the world? I mean just look at the country… we have gone way downhill from what it used to be 60-80 years ago. People probably actually think things are better, now that is the LIE! You feminists get mad at people who tell you that you have to have a family when you want to work, but then get mad at those who choose to have a family and actually enjoy the huge responsibility (and full time job) of being a wife and mother. Hypocritical much? You all want people to accept you, but don’t want to accept those who do not share your opinions about what you feel is right, instead of what God has declared is right. Interesting.

    Reply
    • FirefromHeaven

      Perfectly put Jasmine. I don’t attack homosexuals for what they’re doing. God is their judge. However, they attack heterosexuals who refuse to EMBRACE and ACCEPT their choices.

      They are in open rebellion against the laws of God that are clearly written and stated for all the word to see. His law is THE law. Period. End of story. He IS the Creator. This is HIS earth.

      HE says Homosexuality is an abomination and sin. Homosexuals who say they are Christians are liars. Yes, Jesus Christ loves you but He cannot and will not tolerate sin in the least degree or allowance. Where He lives, you will not be able to abide His presence, nor be permitted to dwell in His kingdom.

      If we put all homosexuals on an island together and left it at that, you’d all be wiped out in one generation. WHY is that? Because you’re in denial that Heterosexuals are the reason you exist to begin with and that it’s the natural order of things as God intended. You should be bowing down to Heterosexuals and thanking them profusely for pro-creating so you can exist, and have your so called “Family” that, otherwise, wouldn’t be possible without them.

      Your agenda has no foundation, no truth, nor is it upheld or supported by God.

      Start your own freakin’ church if you don’t like the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and what we stand for. Leave us alone.

      But you won’t. You can’t. Satan always attacks the TRUTH, trying to infiltrate the TRUE Church of Jesus Christ like a parasite. It will never happen. The Lord will gather us out from you like He did Noah and his family before the great Deluge. Only this time it will be by fire as it is written.

      You try to come across as loving but inwardly you detest the truth and cringe upon hearing it. The wicked taketh the truth to be hard.

      God help you. Repent and change before it’s to late. Allow God to heal you of your affliction. Pray to Him and ask Him yourself to reveal to you the truth. I promise He will.

      You may think I’m attacking you. I’m not! I do not desire that Satan grasp any soul and drag them down to Hell. Time is a teller of all things. I am patient because what I have said is truth.

      Don’t say you weren’t warned and admonished. I’ve done my part. By the way, I have a homosexual cousin. I love him very much and would give my life for him if need be. However, I do not and will never accept his lifestyle choice.

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        Thank you. I don’t think the many millions of us who think exactly as you have expressed here, could have said it better. You are so right. I often think when I hear all these complaining and condemning non believers, many of whom were and may still be members of the church, “Oh my goodness. Listen to who’s calling the kettle black?” Thank you, FoF.

  26. Veronica

    haha you clearly can’t comprehend english. Try reading it in another language, it’ll make more sense ;P

    Reply
  27. Anonymous

    Why do you suppose that you can live a self-defined morality and still obey irrevocable laws set forth before the foundation of the world?

    Reply
  28. Anonymous

    I know you are out of Primary now, but please revisit that Plan of Salvation lesson. A true understanding of that doctrine will help you realize how blinded you are.

    Reply
  29. Richard

    Wow. I didn’t realize the DOCTRINE OF GOD could be interpreted by a “young feminist” better than PROPHETS OF GOD.

    You’re a real genius…

    Reply
  30. Marilyn Carothers

    First, I believe The Proclamation To The Family as originally written is 100%correct.

    I also believe that two men or two women can love and nurture children in very wonderful ways.

    But…..but…..but……how are two men or two women supposed to have a child?

    Yes, adoption all over the world is wonderful, needed, not a problem. But EVERY child HAD TO HAVE A FEMALE AND A MALE TO MAKE THE CHILD IN THE FIRST PLACE.

    This can get VERY complicated, yes, with Alllllll the muted of circumstances around the bio parents. And obviously some people who make the babies are not fit parents.

    But, but, but….that one child had a mother and a father.

    I think that’s the basis of the proclamation. It is an ideal. We have to have that.

    I have a gay son. I love him nonetheless. I want his happiness. I do not discriminate his choices. They are his. I have no control over that. I honor his feelings, of course he has feelings.

    Bottom line, I know we don’t live in an ideal world. But God is perfect, he gives us perfect laws. We do our best to obey them.
    Good loves us all, strait, bent, twisted, black, white, rainbow, no matter. We are all his children.
    For me, I think I’ll stick to the original plan, the Adam n Eve pattern and vote for each child to have a mother and father.

    Reply
  31. Concerned

    The Family: A Proclamation to the World hurts families like The Word of Wisdom hurts alcoholics, smoker and drinkers or the 10 commandments hurt idol worshippers, murderers, liars, etc.

    Although you say the proclamation is not scripture and was just put together by 15 old white men, these old white men have been given priesthood keys and act as prophets, seers and revelators. I know they would not just throw together such a document. It was no doubt put together with careful and serious consideration and preparation including fasting, prayer and seeking for the guidance of our Heavenly Father. To deny that it is just the uninspired words of men is to deny your faith in these men as prophets, seers and revelators.

    The proclamation is meant to guide us in our efforts. None of us is perfect but we can strive and I will continue to use the words of the proclamation to guide my efforts and desires as regards my eternal family.

    I don’t have personal experience with same sex attraction. My heart breaks for those struggling with this issue. I also have deep sorrow and sympathy for those that struggle with addictions. We all have temptations and issues with which we struggle but I won’t deny my sins are sins just because I am tempted and fall.

    Reply
  32. Megan

    Your desire to share love for all people is admirable. However, it appears that you are merely thinking on the surface. All people have been born with weaknesses that they are to learn to overcome. We should not merely accept our weaknesses and give into temptation because “it is who we are”. Instead, we should be actively and deliberately striving to become more like Christ.
    In addition, those “15 men” who you refer to are called of God and they will not lead us astray.
    From the Doctrine and Covenants Institute manual: “President George Q. Cannon explained the spiritual dangers of turning away from the prophets: ‘God has chosen His servants. He claims it as His prerogative to condemn them, if they need condemnation. He has not given it to us individually to censure and condemn them. No man, however strong he may be in the faith, however high in the Priesthood, can speak evil of the Lord’s anointed and find fault with God’s authority on the earth without incurring His displeasure. The Holy Spirit will withdraw itself from such a man, and he will go into darkness. This being the case, do you not see how important it is that we should be careful? However difficult it may be for us to understand the reason for any action of the authorities of the Church, we should not too hastily call their acts in question and pronounce them wrong.’ (Gospel Truth, 1:278.)”
    I urge you to spend time studying the word of the Lord, rather than doing your best to fight against it. You will be glad you did.

    Reply
  33. A Daughter of God

    I’d like to point out something that should be emphasized over and over: God and Jesus Christ love all of us equally. We should not treat ANYONE poorly for any reason. Whether that is because someone is gay, transgender, etc and you disagree with their beliefs, or whether you’re gay, transgender, etc. and you disagree with someone else’s beliefs. We are wasting our time being hateful and argumentative.

    The doctrines and principles found in the The Family: A Proclamation to the World can be found in harmony in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. This is a divinely inspired spiritual document meant to exist as a standard that has been true since the time of Adam and Eve.

    We need to love God first and love one another as we love ourselves. My sister in law is a lesbian and her and her partner are getting married in March. I do not agree with what they are doing, but I love each of them and treat them with as much respect, because I know that they are both daughters of a God who loves them and because they have their own agency and free will and they deserve respect simply for those two facts. It is not my place to judge them. I am satisfied knowing that the most perfect, merciful, and selfless person to have walked this earth (Jesus Christ, our Savior and Brother) will be the judge of all of us and I thank God for that.

    I want it to be known that we all get a long very well in our family, because we respect and love one another. You don’t have to agree with someone to love them, that’s all.

    Reply
  34. Mormon Disciple

    I wanted to take a moment to explain how my family is organized in our strong Mormon home. My mom has a career, and my dad has a career. They both make food, and make joint executive decisions that are very difficult. I find my mom chastising my dad quite often, and my dad never chastises my mom. The only difference I perceive in their roles is that my dad acts as the figurehead and protection of my family. He has a lot of wisdom that my mom doesn’t have and vice versa. They have raised 6 kids that are still strong in the church. 3 of those kids are or have been on a mission, another has been married in the temple, and 2 (my little brother and I) eagerly await for our missions.

    I know several gays, and am close friends with one. I respect their beliefs, but I know that God had intended a different way for them. I know that the church will never support same-sex marriage or gender transitions. This is just not the way of God and I believe that every man and woman is capable of loving someone of the opposite sex (this will probably piss off a lot of people).

    I will always follow what the leaders of the church say. If you are a mormon and you deny the authority of the church leaders, you deny the very truth of the book of mormon, and the power of the Holy Ghost which you have felt.

    Reply
  35. Anonymuss

    God is the mastermind behind the family. If he would allow gay or lesbian marriage, there would be a paragraph in the proclamation to the family about it.

    Reply
  36. Anonymous

    Your points are stupid and wrong. Those 15 men have spent years drawing closer to God and becoming more like the Savior with every step. You are doing the opposite. I feel sorry for you, but I still love you as a child of God.

    Reply
  37. Anonymous

    And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19 4-6

    For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? But and if ye suffer for righteousness sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled; But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ. For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer well doing, than for evil doing. 1 Peter 3:12-17

    Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; Ephesians 6: 11-18.

    If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own; but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. John 15: 18-19.

    Reply
  38. Anonymous

    Everyone is saying that it hurts families because it claims a family is between a male and a female.

    Well it just affirms what is in the Bible, which also states a relations between man and women are ordained of God. Homosexuality is of the Devil, I guess a lot of families have been hurt by the Bible as well (doesn’t make it any less true).

    Maybe the 12 prayed for guidance on what was happening in Hawaii and the proclamation to the world was the result. Like when Joseph Smith prayed about the tobacco smoke in the churches and got the word of wisdom. If it is God’s word it doesn’t need altering.

    God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

    Reply
    • meli

      The Proclamation is used to defend harming families with same-sex parents as well as harming LGBTQIA children.

      The Bible presents a VERY different view on marriage than what we’re seeing in the Proclamation’s obsession with the nuclear family. The Bible presents marriage by one man to many wives and concubines, by a man who is obligated to marry his dead brother’s wife, by a woman who is obligated to marry her rapist. The proclamation in particular is NOT in favor of any form of polygamy, as found in the Bible.

      (And if we’re looking for gay relationships in the Bible, David and Jonathan as well as Jesus and John the Beloved or Lazarus seem to be a good place to start).

      And I don’t really understand the phrase “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Since the supposed first couple on Earth was named Adam and Eve, is every couple supposed to change their names to Adam and Eve?

      Reply
  39. Anonymous

    Simple: God created Adam and Eve = God created a man and a woman. That is what he choose for parents for children.

    Not Adam and Steve = God didn’t create two men.

    Reply
    • meli

      Have you read Genesis? I hardly think it’s meant to be a blueprint for the ideal family in the 21st century lol

      Not only does Adam marry a clone made from the rib of his dirt-formed body, but there’s an implication that his children incestuously have children with either each other, or with their own mother, Eve

      Later in Genesis, we find that men are forced to procreate with their widowed sister-in-laws or else they’ll be struck dead by God.

      We find men with multiple wives and with concubines and slaves.

      We find married men sleeping with sex workers while advocating for their occupation to be a crime punishable by death.

      We find a man who procreates with his own daughters while drunk.

      I could go on, but I think you get my point.

      Reply
  40. Anonymous

    Not much has changed then from Genesis to 21st Century.

    Also love the picture at the top. Two gay men happy and smiling. The 3 children all look miserable.

    Reply
  41. hockiboglerbloggin

    Since when did the prophets in the Bible and Book of Mormon ever took counsel from popular opinion of the public? I laugh at the thought of someone like Elijah the prophet saying “Well if everyone seems to like worshipping a gold statue and they feel so emotional about then it must be what God sees as right.” Hahaha NO! This article shows a deep flaw in understanding how revelation works.

    Not to mention the complete disregard for empirical science’s repeated studies that show how children raised in a single parent or same sex parent home are disadvantaged socially, emotionally, and behaviorally.

    This article is a stupid appeal to an emotional response that because someone struggles with same sex attraction and still loves to raise children they should be allowed to do it. Struggle with sin (sin which is determined by God not man) does not merit the approval to behave sinfully.

    Reply
  42. Lesley O'Connell-Maritz.

    I met a young , highly educated woman recently at a funeral in South Africa, who when I asked her who she was, replied: “Oh I am X’s partner”. How refreshing to find someone who is content with who she is….a member of the human race.
    I feel so sorry for those who are continually at odds with themselves, and in doing so undermine The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Marriage etc,. etc. It is tiresome ad nauseum.

    Reply
  43. John Reese

    This is pure rubbish. This person understands absolutely nothing about God and his plan. This denies any revelation EVER given.
    Congrats Satan! Well played on this one.

    Reply
  44. Anonymous

    Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World,”Ensign,Nov. 1995, 100

    Reply
  45. Anonymous

    Before President Gordon B. Hinckley read “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” at a general meeting of the Relief Society in September 1995, he said: “With so much of sophistry that is passed off as truth, with so much of deception concerning standards and values, with so much of allurement and enticement to take on the slow stain of the world, we have felt to warn and forewarn. In furtherance of this we of the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles now issue a proclamation to the Church and to the world as a declaration and reaffirmation of standards, doctrines, and practices relative to the family which the prophets, seers, and revelators of this church have repeatedly stated throughout its history” (“Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World,”Ensign,Nov. 1995, 100). – lds.org

    Reply
  46. nina

    Hey, thanks for this post! The proclamation has also hurt me as a cisgender woman by making me want to desire or conform to my “divinely assigned” gender roles, although they’re really not want I want in life! How do you keep your faith, though? I’m always struggling with being a Mormon and feminist at the same time.

    Reply
    • meli

      Hi Nina! I’m the one wrote this blog post a few years ago, and I’m actually not Mormon anymore. My life is better in some ways now that I just do my own thing. I have many friends and partners who love me and I love them. I find a lot of purpose in other things.

      If you feel called to stay active in the LDS Church, I suggest checking out the liberal Mormon scene on facebook. Young Mormon Feminists, Feminist Mormon Housewives, and the Mormon Hub are good places to start. Hope that helps you!

      Reply
      • nina

        Hey meli, thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my comment! I will definitely check out the groups you’re mentioning.

  47. Lesley O'Connell-Maritz

    Maybe everyone should stop right now …I read on the internet recently …no source…just common knowledge …Mormons are the most Judgemental people in the world.

    Reply

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