not in Primary anymore

respecting agency even when it hurts

One 3d person manipulates another 3d person.

When somebody (including myself) gets mad at somebody else for not doing what they/I want them to do, I worry that such anger will lead us to being over-controlling, manipulative and abusive.

I hope people (including myself) will try our best to respect others’ agency. Their agency to not text back, to not speak, to not come over, to not commit, to not be nice, to be left alone, to be with other people, to not help us.


Oscar Wilde, an amazing playwright and poet, who was sent to prison for the harmless crime of doing what others didn’t want him to do.

In the words of Oscar Wilde:

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. And unselfishness is letting other people’s lives alone, not interfering with them.

“Selfishness always aims at creating around it an absolute uniformity of type. Unselfishness recognizes infinite variety of type as a delightful thing, accepts it, acquiesces in it, enjoys it…

“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.”

Or as tumblr user sleepyclover puts it:


people are allowed to leave you. people are allowed to break up with you. people are allowed to love you but not want to be with you. people are allowed to not want to talk to you. people are allowed to put their happiness before yours and do what makes them happy even if it does not include you. people are allowed to move on from you. people are allowed to fall in love with someone else. people are allowed to not want you in their life. people are allowed to do whatever they want to better themselves and become the version of themselves they are trying so hard to love. don’t be bitter towards someone who is only trying to be happy.

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