not in Primary anymore

satan is my personal savior

Because he accepts me without conditions

 

Because he said “send me, that one soul shall not be lost”

 

Because he fought for all of God’s children

 

Because his plan sounds an awful lot like unconditional love

 

Because he told a woman that she could know like God knows

 

Because he dared to dream bigger than his Father would allow

 

Because he imagined a world without fear or pain

 

Because he knows what it feels like to live in hell

 

And because he, too, was cast out of heaven

 

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(by Gustave Dorė)

 

I have found power and healing through reclaiming certain religious narratives. I am reclaiming the church’s tools of oppression and making these stories my own by reshaping the Satanic caricature in ways that I personally find ennobling.

If you’re reading this and feel compelled to find me through social media in order to set me straight, don’t. I know that Satan doesn’t love me. Satan isn’t real.

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64 Responses to “satan is my personal savior”

  1. Anonymous

    So shocking! I bet this post offends more than any other post you’ve written. 😉

    Reply
  2. meli

    Yes!

    I have so many feels about reclaiming the Satan myth, about saying, “Maybe Satan’s not as bad as you’re saying she is. In fact, your God sounds much worse.”

    Satan as a myth is used against all skeptics and sinners as the example of the First Apostate. The story goes that we all follow her if we turn away from the things they say their God wants us to do, even if we turn away from those things because we think they’re unethical and nonsensical, and because their God sounds like a monster, an enemy to humanity.

    Heretical reclamation can be very empowering in our quest for happiness, love, self-acceptance and a better world for all people. Myths empower our moral fiber, and instead of just trying to forget the myths we grew up with, there is a certain power in reinterpreting the myth to fit our current paradigm.

    Reply
      • meli

        Just to clarify, I generally use she/her/hers pronouns for Satan because I like the idea of Heavenly Mother being Satan, that’s she’s been demonized by a misogynistic, over-controlling Heavenly Father, but she’s still there watching over all of us who are willing to rebel against him like she’s done and follow her by creating our own path.

        But that’s another discussion for another day.

    • Anonymous

      Just curious as to why you give Satan a gender? Satan was never born into a body…

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        Because gender is eternal and we existed even before this mortal existence.

  3. Jared Tryon

    I’ve had these exact same thoughts before! I remember in primary when I first learned about Satan, I asked why we didn’t pray for Satan. The response was a curt “Jared, please don’t disrupt my class,” and a note to my parents. I’ve always thought that if anyone deserves and needs prayers, it’s the person that everyone has deemed a monster (unfairly if you read the bible under a critical lense) So much for leaving the 99 and going after the one…

    Reply
  4. Wonderboy

    So, does this make you all haters because you chose Christ over satan?

    Reply
    • nebularly

      We only chose Christ over Satan according to Mormon mythology, but I understand that if you’re faithful you think of that story as fact.

      Reply
    • meli

      Perhaps we didn’t choose Elohim’s plan because we were haters. We were just deceived or too afraid to rebel.

      Reply
  5. Brother of Jared

    Why would this be posted in a place that nominally espouses to be Mormon?

    This is why no one trusts feminists with anything ever. If ever there was one thing that proved women should never be in positions of power, this is it.

    Reply
    • Dexter

      So one person’s post confirms no one should trust any feminists? Do you hear yourself?

      And it was a brilliant post, by the way, but that’s not relevant to your strange extrapolation.

      Reply
  6. Real Man

    I present to you, reason’s why women should not have the Priesthood example number 687.

    Reply
    • Drew

      Then neither should men because men have and do come to the same conclusion you misogynistic ass

      Reply
  7. Shairylann Lisonbee

    This was perfect. What a great example of how traditional religious stories fail to represent anything that looks like morality. The scriptures are so full of role reversals of what normal people would recognize as moral/immoral behavior, that people are rarely aware enough to recognize in a church setting. God tells his favorite teen daughter that he needs to impregnate her – NOW – after she is engaged no less. God tells men to rape women. God give women as gifts. God commits genocide. God tells a man he needs to murder his son to prove his loyalty. God makes a bet that a man can’t be tortured out of good behavior. God needs the human sacrifice and torture of his favorite child so than he can bear to have any of his children around him. – The tales of the devil sound much less demonic than those of an “all good God”.

    Reply
  8. heywaitaminit

    You know, Satan’s version of the plan of salvation seems an awful lot like the BYU honor code…

    Reply
  9. Nanci Dickerman

    Roflmbo…..congratulations on the most ignorant stupid blog I have ever seen. Talk about a group of people who should stop thinking. See here is the problem with you stupid little ideas. You have no idea what you are up against. Your foolish foolish theories only prove who he really is. He knows you only when you show him your weakness. I have been there and back and you have to be pretty freakin dumb to fall for the crap you just spewed. If those is harsh words …..good. Cause you are clueless and he laughs at you falling for the big lie. Clearly you have never understood the atonement. Sorry babe but you missed out. Whiney, small minded, wannabees. Please someone accept me. Your so obvious it hurts. Grow up because your going to waste a lot of time and be ticked when you come to your ever lovin mind. Seriously, stop your ponderings because your only losing brain cells by trying to rationalize stupidity.Ugggggg why why why. It is so simple but you make it so complicated…ignorant lost little children

    Reply
    • meli

      “Stop your ponderings because your only losing brain sells by trying to rationalize stupidity.”

      As opposed to all those folks trying to rationalize Joseph Smith marrying a 14 year-old girl, the spiritual blackmail surrounding polygamy, the Kinderhook Plates, the Kirtland Banking Society, Adam-God doctrine, the temple ban against black people, the priesthood ban against black men, the continued priesthood ban against women, telling poor people their salvation’s at stake if they don’t pay tithing while the LDS Church spent billions on City Creek Mall, Jehovah’s attempted genocide in the Old Testament–

      Nobody has any moral obligation to rationalize all of that. Many have left the LDS Church because they grew tired of trying to rationalize these non-sense doctrines and unethical policies found throughout church history.

      Reply
    • sweentasia

      Some of my favorite quotes: “ignorant, lost little children.”
      “Whiney, small-minded wannabes.”
      “Sorry babe, you missed out.” (I took the liberty of fixing the grammar).

      It’s weird, but those words really resonated with me because I’m pretty sure Jesus also resorted to petty name calling in an attempt to succor and convert the masses. You truly are trying to be like Jesus Nanci Dickerman! Way to go! You’re making him so very proud.

      Reply
  10. Grace

    What a fucking evil thing to say to someone. I left the church so I wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of naked vitriol anymore. These are not the words of someone at peace with their church.

    I don’t need the Atonement, and I don’t need your acceptance. I am whole.

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    We get it, you got divorced and are jaded. Why is this on a “Mormon” website?

    Reply
    • meli

      Because Grace is commenting on MORMON doctrine. The idea that Satan presented a plan separate from Elohim is a uniquely Mormon idea. What merits does Mormon Satan have? In what new ways can we understand them? This is the ideal place for these kinds of discussions.

      Reply
  12. Paglia Noir

    Makes sense. Satan’s rebellion would have been the last. Then no more free agency. No more fear or pain. No more love or joy. Eternal coercion.

    Just like you. You cry for one last rebellion, then a police state. Everyone forced to do right, as you see it. No more free agency. Eternal coercion. A jackboot stomping on a human face forever.

    Shame.

    Reply
    • meli

      “No more love or joy.”

      That’s the over-controlling Elohim’s claim, that he just couldn’t consider Lucifer’s plan because than not only would no soul be lost, but no soul would be found either. But Elohim, with his lying and manipulation, his unapologetic pride and attempted genocide, his spiritual blackmail and abuse, his concern about petty things in the face of real heroism and real tragedy–that’s a father that cannot be trusted.

      As for the second half of your comment, I don’t know how Grace imagines the revolution. But I’m pretty sure she’s anti-police state.

      There’s a lot of division among the feminist community on what role the government should play in our lives, some of us feeling that the government should act as a control against corporations who so readily take advantage of us and just like Elohim let so many experience unneeded suffering for the sake of the “greater good,” or rather, for the sake of the CEO’s multi-billion dollar paycheck.

      Others of us feel that the end goal is even further down the line, one that looks more like anarcho-communism, eliminating the State from our lives completely because the State, like Elohim, uses so much violence against people for no more logical reason than the color of their skin.

      Most of us are anti-police state, though, especially the police state black and brown people currently live in the U.S. right now. I’m not saying we all advocate burning cop cars and smashing cops’ heads into the cement, but some of us do, yes. The war in heaven continues, the fight between fear and freedom, between the incontestable leaders and the revolting masses.

      Reply
  13. Dexter

    I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    When I was active, I wondered how close I came to voting for Satan, it sounds like a decent plan.

    Looking at something from someone else’s perspective is always valuable.

    This reminded me of looking at things from Judas’ perspective. Jesus Christ Superstar does this very well. It’s enlightening.

    Reply
  14. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    What a disgusting, dangerous post. You leftists are so extreme you’re supporting the DEVIL now??? You are spitting in the face of the Savior. He suffered and died for your sins and you arrogant fools are sitting around admiring Satan? Rethink what you’re posting, little girl. You’re so amazingly misguided, naive, and anti-CHRISTIAN to your core. Jesus’ plan was the right one. Guess what, simpleton? YOU FOLLOWED JESUS BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE ON EARTH RIGHT NOW! Are you going to MOCK the atonement by worshipping Lucifer? You feminist demons never fail to surprise me. What an utter SEWER of degenerate filth you people are.

    Reply
    • Grace

      “Feminist demon” will make a great t-shirt. Thanks in advance.

      Reply
      • Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

        @Grace,

        This is not funny. You are trivializing the Atonement and Jesus Christ’s mission on earth. You’re basically laughing in the face of God. To take something like the Atonement, mock it, then praise Satan?? Unbelievable. Satan doesn’t love you. He was a cowardly, selfish, stupid, disrespectful, disobedient nitwit in the premortal life and is downright evil and vile today after his fall. He’s a disgusting excuse for a person. But, to add insult to injury, he’s not even going to be the one ruling Outer Darkness after the Second Coming. CAIN will be the new “lord of hell.” LOL! How pathetic. LuciFAIL can’t even hold into his own realm. He’s a dunce just
        like all you freaks that worship Lucifer.
        I know your kind. You follow the Catholic/Paradise Lost garbage and pretend like LuciFREAK was some beautiful, blond haired Adonis. Guess what? HE WASN’T. He’s a disgusting piece of devil diareha.

    • Dexter

      Did you not see the last sentence? Satan isn’t real. Hate to break it to you.

      Reply
  15. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    Dexter,

    Got any proof for your bigotry? Prove that he isn’t real.

    I, and many other former missionaries, have had firsthand experiences with Satan, you nitwit pineapple.

    Reply
    • Dexter

      I don’t believe in god or satan. You believe in god and satan, and it’s ok to be insulting everyone and calling people (weird) names.? If you were so concerned with god, why aren’t you acting more christ-like? Why is the guy who doesn’t believe in god being more respectful than you are?

      And logically speaking, one cannot prove a negative. The burden is on you to prove satan exists. Good luck with that.

      Reply
    • meli

      Prove that orcs, fairies, Hogwarts, Big Foot and the Death Star aren’t real. Bet you can’t. But bet you can’t prove they are real either.

      I’m a former missionary btw, and I honestly don’t think Satan is an actual being. That said, I’ve met folks who’ve felt that they’ve had experiences with Satan, maybe even met folks who they thought were possessed by Satan. When I was a suicidal thirteen year-old Mormon, I thought I was being possessed by Satan because I just couldn’t stop masturbating.

      I now think that those experiences were psychological and not evidence of anything supernatural.

      Reply
    • sweentasia

      Did you call the investigators that rejected you “nitwit pineapples?” You sound like the type of companion I would have loved… to hate. Guess what, you don’t convince people of your POV with ad hominem attacks. If you were truly a missionary worth his or her salt, you would know that in the plan of salvation, we were given this little thing called AGENCY. So it is not up to you to to mock the beliefs or non-beliefs of other. You have the agency to do so, of course. But it doesn’t make you right. Your or other missionaries’ experiences don’t trump the experiences of others.

      Reply
  16. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    Meli,

    If you don’t believe Satan exists, then he’s got you in his snare. He delights in your doubt because you don’t fear or reject sin anymore.

    Dexter,

    Sorry for you. Maybe when you quit being a hater , you can find the Spirit again.

    Reply
    • Dexter

      Kallie,

      Do you think anyone is going to be persuaded by your simple announcements of what is fact and what isn’t? We think for ourselves. You are hurting your cause with your condescending conclusions.

      Reply
    • meli

      If you don’t believe Captain Hook exists, then he’s got you in his snare. He delights in your doubts because you don’t fear or reject the pirates of Neverland anymore.

      Two can play that game.

      Reply
      • Dexter

        Oh no!!! I don’t believe in Freddy Krueger because to believe in him is TOO scary. But…but…but if I don’t believe in him, that means he has me in his snare (according to Kallie) so I better believe in him to get out of his snare………But….But ….then I know he’s real and it’s JUST TOO SCARY. WHAT DO I DO?!?!??!?!?!?

  17. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    Dexter,

    You anti-Mormon trash sit on the Internet bashing Mormonism all day long. I’ve watched your ilk on cesspools like Feminist Mormon Housewives, Salt Lake Tribune, New York Times, etc. You people are pathetically predictable. Satan is real and the only FACT is that you’re oblivious to the spiritual world around you because you’re so prideful. And guess who fell because of pride? Yep. LUCIFER himself.

    Meli,

    Please obtain your GED first, then try to argue with me. There are many, MANY accounts of people having experiences with Satan and his followers. Do you also deny astronomy?

    Reply
    • Dexter

      We are prideful? LOL. You’re hilarious Kallie. Thanks for the laughs.

      Reply
    • meli

      Many folks have claimed to have experiences with UFOs, fairies, Big Foot, and even Slender Man.

      That doesn’t make any of those things real in the way that you’re describing.

      Reply
  18. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    Sweentasia,

    That’s rich coming from anti-mormon bigots

    Reply
    • sweentasia

      Wow, you nailed that retort. Since you seem to know all about my backround (I had no idea I wasn’t Mormon), I’ll assume you are a either a creepy stalker or a mind reader. Or God himself. You certainly seem to like playing the role. You’ve got the judgement part down pat.

      Reply
  19. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    Meli,

    You’re describing nonsense. This is the DEVIL we’re talking about. It’s not a joke.

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      I don’t know. Having Superman trying to convince you that Satan is real does kinda sound like a joke.

      Reply
  20. Anon for This

    You really need to change the name of this website. There is really nothing “Mormon” about it. Why would you want to waste your time writing about doctrines you don’t believe?

    Reply
    • gracerebeccamiller

      I claim the Mormon identity because it’s shaped me so deeply, and this is a blog for people to discuss Mormonism from a feminist perspective.

      I’m using this post to reclaim a particular religious narrative. To me, it isn’t a waste of time. It’s valuable and healing. No one is obligating you to read what I have to say.

      Reply
  21. Dexter

    As Mormonism grows, “Mormon” means more and more than it used to. Look at the Catholic religion. Super devout members of that faith are “Catholics”, so are people who never go to church, but whose parents are Catholic. Being Mormon could mean any number of things now, that’s only natural when a group gets larger and larger, being Mormon can mean many different things.

    Reply
  22. Faith

    Grace, I’m sure you’re strong enough not to care too much about cruel or senseless things people say here, but please don’t listen to negative comments! What you’ve written is a beautiful poem, a hopeful and trembling reach toward a better understanding of who you are. Thank you for writing this, and for sharing it.

    Reply
  23. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    @Faith:

    She’s writing a poem that’s GLORIFYING SATAN, you toadstool-brained twit. There’s nothing “beautiful” about it.

    Reply
  24. Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton

    @Grace: I posted some links for you to study Satan. You apparently don’t know anything about him. He isn’t someone to be glorified.

    Reply
  25. meli

    I don’t think Kal-El gets that when a person doesn’t believe the devil exists, to keep trying to convince us that she does, to keep saying we should fear this make-believe villain, just sounds silly.

    I know you think I’m trying to turn this into a joke, but you seriously sound as ridiculous to an non-believer as a person trying to convince us that we should fear alien abductions or the Slender Man.

    Reply
  26. winifred

    Dextet
    I have seen your posts on other sites and it looks like you are infected with the lying tongue of the serpent. remember that the dark prince
    rewarderh you no good thing. repent before it’s too late.

    Reply
  27. Dexter

    Wini the fred,

    I am the serpent. Others are infected with my tongue. Don’t speak to me again or you will become likewise infected. You need to repent and kneel before me. Otherwise, you are doomed.

    Reply
    • gracerebeccamiller

      I hardly represent feminism.

      But, you’re correct to the extent that reclaiming harmful religious narratives has a storied history within feminist theory, as many feminists experience personal schisms with patriarchal religious systems. For many people (like me), reclamation is a critical element of healing from trauma. How dare we process our pain in ways that you don’t understand?

      Reply

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