not in Primary anymore

after millennia of oppression, women find self-confidence in boy band song

by Averyl Dietering

After talking to a friend about her lack of self-esteem, Orem-based band Family Home Evening decided to write a song to help women understand their inner and outer beauty.

“Our friend was really beautiful, but she just didn’t know it. I mean, really pretty. Like super, super hot. The sexiest female I’ve ever laid eyes on. Wow. Umm… Anyway, she was ridiculously attractive, but she saw herself as ugly and undesirable. And we couldn’t figure out where her negative self-image came from. It could have been that western society systematically destroys women’s confidence by constantly telling them they are too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, and otherwise just not right. It could be that the media objectifies women and tells them that they are only valuable and worthwhile if men say so. Or it could be that they haven’t listened to our song yet,” said Moroni Stewart, a member of Family Home Evening.

“We realized it wasn’t enough for women to actually believe in themselves. They needed us—young men—to tell them how beautiful and special they are. I mean, some women can look in the mirror and tell themselves that they are pretty and unique. But none of them believe it. Who’d trust a woman, am I right?” said LaVerkin Young, the founding member of the band.

With this goal in mind, the band got together and wrote their song—now climbing the charts of the “Orem Top 100”—entitled “Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole.”

Soon after the group wrote “Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole,” they saw a flier for free pizza. As they were gorging themselves on delicious slices of Hawaiian and meat lover’s, they looked out on the empty sidewalk and realized that it would be a perfect location for a music video.

“It was genius,” recalls Joseph Hyrum Parley Christensen, another member of the band, “what better way to increase women’s self-esteem than ask them to publicly point out their biggest fears about their bodies and personalities on a busy sidewalk while cameras recorded them and exploited their insecurities for our music video?”

“And we could make tons of money on it,” said Stewart.

Kathy Fielding, an Orem woman who had fallen on hard times, was one of the first women to participate in filming the music video.

“I didn’t really think much of myself. I was an unemployed, struggling, single mother, but what was worse, I was sure that no man would ever find me attractive. Then I listened to ‘Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole’ and my life changed. Suddenly I had self-worth! I instantly paid off my house, got a job, homeschooled all my children, lost fifteen pounds, and started pinning all my favorite ideas for wedding decorations. If it weren’t for Family Home Evening and their amazing song, I would have never known that I was a worthwhile individual,” said Kathy, who recently changed her name to Tiffany Amber Fielding.

“What’s amazing is that the same thing started to happen to hundreds of thousands of women once we shared the music video online. I mean, millions of women have suddenly realized that they are beautiful. And that they have worth. Well, worth and beauty are the same thing for women, right?” recalled Chandler DeWitt, the band’s publicist.

The millions of women who have suddenly become empowered by yet another boy band telling them they are physically desirable has not gone unnoticed by the rest of the world. According to international reports, tribes of militantly empowered women have begun to throw off the shackles of self-doubt and believe in themselves. The entire GDP of India has increased by 250% since Family Home Evening’s music video as a result of women finally feeling beautiful enough to leave their houses and participate meaningfully in the economy. Hordes of self-confident women in Russia, chanting “Женщины красивы,” have overthrown President Vladimir Putin because he had not done enough to tell Russian women of their beauty.  In Iceland, the rising self-confidence of the nation’s women has caused temperatures to rise as well, resulting in a tropical storm that may hit the coast of Norway later this week.

“It’s easy to see that our song has been a phenomenal success,” said Stewart, “I mean, women are so empowered that I don’t think we need feminism anymore. By telling women they’re beautiful, we’ve basically solved every problem that women have.”

So what’s next for the boy band?

“Well, we really want to continue using our talents for good,” says Young, “We’re thinking about another song about Rosa Parks and how she ended racism in America. We’re also thinking about writing a song telling gay people that we love them, even if we hate their sins. We’re just your average bunch of cisgendered, heterosexual, white guys who know exactly what’s wrong with society and have decided that it’s our responsibility to fix it.”

(for more information about the patriarchal pursuits of other Utah Valley boy bands, please visit this link.)

4 Responses to “after millennia of oppression, women find self-confidence in boy band song”

  1. Juliette

    Is it really so wrong for a boy band to try to validate women’s beauty? Does everything the male gender does have to have subtle bad intent? Get over yourself, there’s nothing wrong with One Direction or any man/group of men using their voices to speak positively about women. Hell, considering the ill-effects of our pornified culture and misogynistic twits who are so prevalent, seeing a guy be positive and uplifting towards women should be a breath of fresh air. Maybe you think it’s wrong for a man to comment on a woman’s beauty. Oh well. Not all of us feel the same. They’re trying to do something kind. Don’t overthink it and spin it into something bad. You’re grasping for straws that aren’t there. Give the guys a break, for Pete’s sake.


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