The LDS Church has recently come out with an addition to the Bishop’s Handbook that states that one of the definitions of apostasy is being married to or cohabitating with a person of the same gender. Apostasy, of course, being grounds for excommunication. Why is this? Well, as best I can tell it comes down to our theology.
We have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother (or Mothers, depending on who you ask or which century you ask it in). And just as they were once like us and became perfected beings, so do we also. This starts with a temple marriage, and then bearing and raising children. Eventually, at some point after death and the final resurrection, we can receive exaltation and create our own spirit children to to Heavenly Parents to. This is why being married to a person of the opposite sex is so important, see; there might be adoptions and in-vitro fertilization on earth, but in the eternities an all-powerful couple, even if they are God, has no way of creating spirit children except in the usual way. A committed same-sex couple, even if they are faithful Mormons in every other way, is knowingly sinning against God and throwing away their chances of Godhood.
There is one other alternative: that God made us the way we are and that there is nothing wrong with being gay, or straight, or trans, or anything else; as long as we are living our best lives we will have our reward in heaven. Joseph Smith, receiving revelation through his earthly perspective as a straight man (in a time long before in-vitro existed) just did not see the whole picture.
But let’s put that aside for now. Let’s say that there really is only one way to achieve exaltation, and that is to get married in the temple to a person of the opposite sex. What about me then? I am asexual and aromantic. I do not plan on ever getting married, in this life or the next. Wouldn’t I fall under the same definition of apostasy? And yet, radio silence.
Not that I want to be considered an apostate. But I went through years of denial and trying to be straight before realize I cannot change my sexual orientation; I just can’t. And so I feel like I have a small insight into what LGB members of the church go through. And yet there is nothing being done to punish me and others like me on the A side of things. Yes, there is a barrage of marriage and family preached from the pulpit, but no one is saying it’s a sin to not get married, especially if you are keeping the law of chastity. The worst we’ll get is usually a look of pity and a “there, there, you’ll find someone in the next life” from a sweet matron who doesn’t know the difference between single and asexual.
Why punish them and not me? At the very least, I am doing the same thing that a same sex couple would do – not getting married in the temple to an opposite sex partner. I am doing it knowingly and consciously, not just from lack of finding the right person. Those in a committed same-sex relationship may not be a male and a female, but at least they are together as two partners. Even worse, I am disobeying the commandment given to Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth, something couples with children are obeying no matter what their orientation may be.
So again I am asking, why not me? Why is it so urgent that those in a same-sex relationship be required to go through church discipline and possible excommunication, and I’m still sitting here with a temple recommend? And if anyone says it’s not the attraction that the problem but the acting on it, I AM acting on my lack of attraction every day I remain single, that’s how my orientation works. Shouldn’t it be just as urgent to discipline me?