do ask, prey tell
I am a greedy, greedy story reader. I chug down and burp up books like spicy potato tacos during happy hour at Taco Bell. And unsurprisingly, given my feminist leanings, I have always been drawn to books with strong female leads (except during 2008, when somehow I let a friend talk me into reading Twilight), and I have always loved how they come to find their voice, their power, and learn to embrace both their strengths as well as their flaws. And sometimes, they don’t ever overcome their flaws, which makes them all-the-more relatable.
However, one day at work during a slow spell, I was turned onto the thought of what would happen if we did to some of our beloved female heroines what we do to ourselves or that the media does to celebrities- that is, to tear them down and focus not on them as a whole but rather on the shallow, one-dimensional sides of them, namely, their appearance. It was these musings that led me to write the following poem. Bon Apetit!
Do Ask, Prey Tell
Was Elizabeth Bennet fat?
Not portly, plump, or stout,
but FAT!
Did she use all her curves
to undo Darcy’s nerves?
Was she proud of all of that?
Did she let it all hang out?
Did Ms. Drew have B.O.?
Not perspiration or a glistening glow,
but B.O.!
Was it her powerful smell
that would often repel
the bad guys that she’d overthrow?
Would it make us admire her less?
Was Jo March’s chest utterly flat?
Not humble, small, or modest,
but FLAT!
Would men oogle and stare
even with nothing there,
Or roll their eyes and say “drat!”
How did she handle the stress?
Did Ms. Muffet have a large mole?
Not a birth or beauty mark,
but a MOLE!
Would the spiders deride her
when they sat down beside her
Or did she feel beautiful
in spite of their thoughtless remarks?
Was Ophelia a skanky hoe?
Not flirtatious, cute, or coy,
but a HOE!
Strutting her crazy stuff,
Stung by Hamlet’s rebuff,
Her life ending in watery woe-
Was it all just because of a boy?
Did Katniss have a big ass?
Not a butt, a rump, or behind,
but as ASS!
Did it get in the way
of hunting human prey
Or put her at the top of her class?
Was she proud to be one-of-a-kind?
Is Kim Kardashian for real?
The body, the image, the look,
Is it real?
Do we share in the blame
of her sharp rise to fame
being based all on her sex appeal?
Can we ever give back what we took?
Young Mormon Feminists 
One Response to “do ask, prey tell”
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