not in Primary anymore

contented unhappiness.

I have a difficult time taking happy people seriously, and maybe that is why — aside from the commodification of “love” — I hate Valentine’s Day so much. Happy people come out of the woodwork like cockroaches. It’s the middle of February, everybody. The only reason to be happy is that THIS year, Valentine’s Day marks the beginning of a three-day weekend. Otherwise, remember that it is the middle of winter and cheer is vastly overrated.

Nevertheless, I hope that those of you in relationships have a blessed Loverday, and ALL of you — single and otherwise — know that your worth is in no way dependent upon whether or not someone else finds you suitably attractive enough to buy you things you don’t need in the hopes that you’ll feel obligated to sleep with them.

I’m not a happy human. It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I’ve decided that it is okay to be unhappy. I’m over “God wants us to be happy” and “The Plan of Happiness” and Utah’s particular brand of obsession with the need to look happy. Right now, for a number of complicated reasons, I am unhappy. And instead of trying to change that and being upset when I don’t succeed, I’m just going to be present.
All feelings are valid. It’s okay if you aren’t happy right now this second. It’s okay to want to be happy when you aren’t. But it’s important to experience what is happening around you at the moment, rather than waiting for the next instance of positive feelings and missing everything that happens between now and then.

3 Responses to “contented unhappiness.”

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