not in Primary anymore

you might be a woman living in patriarchy if…

  1. You routinely apologize for no reason and for instances completely out of your control
  2. You ask questions by first putting yourself down: “this is probably a stupid question but…”
  3. You spend significant amounts of time getting ready in the morning and scrutinizing your appearance throughout the day. You know that if you did not, you could face adverse reactions depending on your profession and life circumstances
  4. You routinely value “harmony” and a lack of overt conflict over expressing your own desires and needs.
  5. You’ve been told you’re good at something “for a girl.”
  6. You are commonly called a “girl” no matter your age, but it is considered a sign of disrespect to call an adult man a boy.
  7. When you are tall, you choose shoes that will not make you seem taller instead of choosing the ones you genuinely want to wear.
  8. You are called a “bitch” for being unafraid to speak your mind.
  9. You feel obligated to wait for men to ask you out on a date, but get constantly harassed about when you’re going to get married.
  10. Older male bosses consider that male co-workers have a “family they need to support” when determining paychecks and bonuses.
  11. You don’t want to embarrass a man when almost all the things he’s saying to you make you feel uncomfortable.
  12. You’re afraid to go car shopping without men coming with you because you feel vulnerable in an all male atmosphere and don’t feel taken seriously.
  13. When no one seems to respond or agree with your comment, but then a man makes the same point and everyone voices their support for his argument
  14. You cut your hair short and people think they’re complimenting you when they say, “you still look beautiful”
  15. You’re told to get an education just in case something happens to your [hypothetical] husband, not for your own advancement or edification.
  16. When you choose not to wear makeup, everyone asks you if you’re sick or tired.
  17. When you express your love of makeup or walk around with a full face of makeup, people make comments about your vanity/ask what man you’re dressing up for.
  18. When you physically try to lessen the amount of space you’re taking up because someone else just sat down next to you and has taken up some of your personal space.
  19. When others view your ambitions as selfishness
  20. You think pornography can be any woman in clothes more skimpy than a cap sleeved shirt and knee-length shorts.
  21. People are willing to throw huge parties for women getting married and having babies, but not for going to college or getting a job
  22. When you go to your local sports fan shop and your team’s colors all become pink and white (despite the fact that there is not a single licensed sports team that has pink as a color.)
  23. Pant shopping is a special realm of hell (along with bra shopping)
  24. You find it easier to let bygones be bygones & forgive your sexual assailant for knowing not what they do than to hold them accountable to society for their actions
  25. When girls as young as 12 are told to cover up in 90 degree weather at camp, and not to change in front of windows in their cabins to PROTECT THE PRIESTHOOD HOLDERS
  26. You are sexually assaulted on the job, and after reporting it you are fired because you are a “liability”
  27. When you are advised to tone yourself down when you know more about “manly” things (cars, construction, etc.) than the men you are dating because it might make them feel emasculated and is a “huge turn-off”
  28. When you have massive amounts of guilt for considering getting a Master’s degree because you want one and want to continue in school for yourself.
  29. When your Young Women leaders tell you that if you and a boy “mess up” it’s mostly your fault because the boy “can’t help himself”
  30. When you realize that even though you never wanted to get married young, all those lessons in Young Women’s got in deeper than you thought and you didn’t prepare yourself to actually have a career you would like and be successful at…so you’re several years out of college with no real prospects or future, working a dead-end job with no possibility of advancement
  31. At 21, being asked if you served a mission because you couldn’t get married  [how many 19 year old women have been asked this nowadays?]
  32. When a guy aggressively refuses to let you pay for stuff (dinner, dates, whatever) or buys you something and then accuses you of “using” them when you are not interested in reciprocating their affections, because they consider you bought and paid for.
  33. You tell people what you’re studying in school and their immediate reaction is how much it will help your child-rearing
  34. When your logical arguments are invalidated because you’re “too emotional”
  35. Imposter syndrome is your life

4 Responses to “you might be a woman living in patriarchy if…”

  1. Teresa

    Good list, now, what to do about it? Especially if you aren’t married yet, you have OPTIONS, people! If you don’t like living like this, escape! Save your future, your self-value, your dignity, your choices, your (maybe one day) children….
    And if you’re already married with children, don’t be afraid to teach your kids your own lessons, and how to live, according to YOU! (Even if those lessons have to be on the down-low)
    Be strong, ladies! Be brave!!!


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